I love lipstick. If I could only take one cosmetic item to a desert island, it’d probably be lipstick. With sunglasses and a bold lip, you can look pulled together in any kind of survival situation. Also you can use it as blush. But the real value of a good lip color is its ability to offset my chronic Resting Bitch Face (RBF), a real affliction that many of us suffer with in silence – grim, glaring silence that others perceive as anger or resentment or a desire to commit workplace violence. Often characterized by a serial killer stare and pursed lips, Resting Bitch Face is thought to be a result of aging, but Rhianna, Emma Watson, Cara Delevingne and my four-year old self would beg to differ. (Not that we grumpy bitches beg for anything.)
See? Baby, you’re born with it, so why fight it? I say embrace your RBF with a pop of color that’s pretty, even when the rest of your face is pretty scary. Here are a few of my faves:
For those times when you look in the mirror and see the sinister housekeeper in a gothic novel glaring back at you.
My niece Emmi (yes, Resting Bitch Face runs in the family) introduced me to this lip liner and lipstick in one. They’re infused with nourishing color and make it easy to line, define and undermine the confidence of anyone who dares interrupt you when you’re glaring out the window of your favorite coffee shop. Available in 16 seductive (and intimidating) shades.
For when you’re daydreaming about your next vacation and your boyfriend asks tentatively, “Are you mad at me?”
Living with RBF is hard enough without being a washed out corpse bride too. This is my go-to formula for all-day color. Utterly transfer-resistant, the high-intensity shades won’t vanish the way your unnatural smile does the instant you become the least bit introspective. Favorite colors, ToujoursTeaberry and Everlasting Caramel.
For when the sight of you happily strolling through the grocery store makes a small child burst into tears.
If looks could kill, you’d be locked up in Litchfield Penitentiary with Piper Chapman and Alex Vause (played by RBFer Laura Prepon.) Luckily there’s Color Sensational Vivid Matte Liquid in my favorite color, Nude Flush, which looks great with everything from an orange jumpsuit to a killer wrap dress. This velvety formula is infused with pure pigments for high-impact color and swipes on with a soft, cushiony feel. Available in 10 vibrant, matte shades.
For when you’re trying to do math in your head and a startled coworker asks “Are you ok?”
Prefer a lip color that’s sheer to complement your sneer? Apparently this formula in Honolulu Honey is one of the most-pinned lip colors on Pinterest. It’s enriched with vitamin E and offers semi-matte color so your lips look velvety and full-bodied with a sheer finish. Don’t go dead behind the eyes without it!
For when you see someone road raging but realize that’s you … in your vanity mirror… singing.
Add some wow to your scowl the way fellow RBFer Gwen Stefani does: by rocking a true red. This intense lip color offers a liquid-suede finish that lingers longer than your most withering glance. Try Fashion Legacy for an intense fire truck red.
What about you? Are you living with Resting Bitch Face? Do you embrace it or try to put on a happy face? What’s your favorite lip color?