Sometimes, the things we do in the name of beauty sound downright horrific – shooting Botulinum toxins into our faces, burning our skin with lasers, letting fish eat the dead flesh off our feet. Seriously, Wes Craven has nothing on your dermatologist or that sketchy day spa down the street. Well, the good news is, you don’t have to go to such extremes to give yourself an at-home horror movie makeover inspired by your favorite villains and victims. Morgan and I have test-driven or researched se7en products and treatments that will take you from gruesome to glowing in no time.
For the Leatherface look: TONYMOLY I’m Real Sheet Masks.
Leatherface isn’t really a monster, he’s just misunderstood. I know the feeling whenever my boyfriend recoils in horror at the sight of me in one of these Korean sheet-style masks. They’re soaked in treatment serums formulated with natural ingredients specially chosen to brighten, tighten, hydrate and clear up blemishes. And yeah, they look ridiculous on, but who can argue with the results, especially when you can grab 4 for $10 at Urban Outfitters. (Chainsaw sold separately.)
Get The Grudge grin: Hardwood Activated Charcoal Powder
Want whiter teeth? Go black, using Toshio from The Grudge as your inspiration. Brushing your teeth with charcoal sounds disgusting but is actually a safe, effective whitener and brightener. I learned about it from my friend Sean who heard about Katey, who has really white teeth. So, of course, I couldn’t wait to try it. A word of caution before you bite down on a briquette, though: we’re talking food-grade charcoal here. Just put it on a damp toothbrush and brush-a, brush-a, brush-a as usual. I rinse, then use regular toothpaste as well. The whole process is messy as hell, but honestly my teeth and sink have never been cleaner. Here’s Morgan trying it for the first time.
Charcoal is a magical multitasker, btw. It settles your stomach, can be used for treating wounds or accidental poisonings 😳 and makes a great all-natural facemask. To make it less abrasive (and messy), Katey recommends mixing it with Greek yogurt and honey. Apply to face, let dry then rinse. Softer skin and whiter teeth with one product? Yes, please.
For a killer (clown) complexion: Boscia Sake Bright White Mask
If sheet masks are comical, these peel-off masks are a scream. Literally. You’ll love the brightening effects of this sake-enriched mask. It’s wonderfully hydrating and really does even skin tone. The real horror begins when you try to take it off. Painful AF. Like this face peeling scene in Poltergeist painful. But small price to pay for luminous skin, right?
Try Pinhead’s pore perfector: Stacked Skincare Collagen Boosting Micro-Roller
Stuck in a beauty rut? Try sticking your face with dozens of tiny needles. Microneedling is supposed to stimulate collagen production and help your skincare products soak in better. And it’s not supposed to hurt at all. You simply apply your product, roll the tiny lawn mower over your face vertically, horizontally and diagonally and then apply more product. You do it three times a week and replace your roller when it needles get dull. I’ve ordered this and will report back after using it for a while.
Shaving face, Dracula-style – FT Shiseido Facial Razor
My friend, Erin, who has gorgeous skin, swears by face shaving. She says it makes your skin so smooth and bright, and makes your makeup glide on. (Bet it makes it easier to remove your Boscia peel-off mask too.) She also assures me that the hair doesn’t grow back thicker or darker and my own research bears this out. I did learn that you can get a little stubble if don’t keep up with it. Given my usual procrastination when it comes to shaving my legs, I don’t know if I’d keep up with this routine or I’d always be an itchy, stubbly mess. Put me down as interested but intimidated. But maybe I can convince Morgan to try it first.
Get an acid facial a la Seeds of Chucky – Pixi Glow Peel Pads
Get your glow on with these advanced exfoliating treatment pads soaked in 20% glycolic acid and rose water. They help to minimize pores, breakouts, and fine lines while promoting an even skintone. Sure, they sting a little but it’s not like your face feels like it’s melting off or anything. You can use it on the back of your hands, your upper chest and neck as well. Rinse after three minutes and moisturize.
Get your Elm Street beauty sleep
According to WebMD, a good night’s sleep is still the best beauty treatment out there. Your skin makes new collagen when you sleep, your body boosts blood flow so you actually have a glow and your eyes don’t look as puffy as the sheep you should have been counting. Try for at least 6 hours. (I’m talking to you, Javacia.) I actually can’t wait to be swallowed into the bed most nights.
What are your favorite scarynotscary beauty products or treatments? Going to try your own horror movie makeover? Are you going to be like this the next time your Sephora delivery shows up?