Not going to lie: 2016 was tough. Everyone seemed to be limping toward the finish line and many of us were furiously setting goals for a happier, more productive 2017. But instead of focusing only on the things we want to accomplish in the new year, Morgan and I decided to identify some beliefs and behaviors we wanted to leave behind in 2016. We called it our Fuck It List. But here’s the twist: instead of writing our own, I wrote hers and she wrote mine. Then we got the Aunt-bassadors, our brand new advisory group, to weigh in with a few ideas of their own.
Steph’s Fuck It List for Morgan:
Bitterness and pessimism: It hurts my heart to hear you describe yourself as a bitter, mean person. To say you hate people or everyone lets you down. I know anxiety and depression can make the world seem grim and I’d never tell you to “just cheer up”. But I do want you to make a concerted effort to shut down negative thinking when you catch yourself spiraling into that black hole. Here are some ways to retrain your brain to think and behave in a more positive and optimistic way. Also daily affirmations from Shine Texts are a great way to start your day on a positive note.
Your “I can’t” mentality: Remember when you figured out the Metro in Paris? That’s the moment I think you finally realized that you CAN – can figure things out, can make course corrections when needed, can be self-sufficient. In that moment you changed “Can’t” into “Can’t YET” and embraced uncertainty in favor of learning something new. So I hope you when encounter obstacles or challenges in 2017, you say “Fuck it, I’ll figure it out. I always do.”
Your rigid life plan: Given what I said above, this one’s tricky. Because, while you have more control than you think … you can’t control everything. I know you want to marry early, be a young mom and move to Birmingham. I applaud your ambitions, but life unfolds at its own capricious pace. While you’ve be dead set on marrying every boyfriend you’ve had since you were 15, life has other plans for you. Wonderful plans. I don’t want you to think if you’re not pushing a stroller by 26, you’ve failed in some way. Or that you have to rush through your college years and twenties to stay on track for your life plan. Enjoy your successes – both the ones you’ve dreamed about and the ones you can’t even imagine yet – as they come.
Morgan’s Fuck It List for Steph
Listening to Datelines in your sleep: Hey, I know as well as anyone that, after waking up from a panic attack, sleep is hard to come by. But listening to stories about murderers and physchopaths cannot be good for your psyche. Find a nice podcast, maybe a TED Talk, so you can learn something besides how to bury a body in the desert.
Extreme to-do lists: As someone who’s extremely unorganized, I can appreciate the simple to-do list and the illusion of control it gives you. But over-planning can make you fatigued before you’ve even begun to complete your list! You also have a tendency to focus on what you haven’t done rather than all the things you’ve checked off, so those long lists do more harm than good. I love your new Day Designer but if I catch you making your toxic to-do lists, I’m taking it away from you.
Electronic Multi-tasking: You and I should both say fuck it to this, because I also have this problem, tbh. Trying to have a conversation via text while checking Instagram, watching Netflix and writing a paper or work assignment cannot possibly good for our brains. We’re scrolling our lives away, and apparently it’s worse for our brains than smoking pot. Let’s both work on focusing more in the new year. I bet there’s an app for that!
The Aunt-bassadors Fuck It List:
- I’m leaving behind depression and anxiety by finally getting medication and support I need! – Anne P.
- I’m done taking responsibility for other people’s issues! – Melissa S.
- I want to learn to embrace my extrovert qualities and leave behind the desire to hide them. Taking this Personality Test helped me see that so many of my unique qualities are worth embracing. – Jessica F.
- I’m working hard at stepping away from toxic people. Unfortunately some of these are family members. I’ve already seen a change in my overall attitude. It’s harder with family, they can be awfully hard to avoid without guilt. But I need to take better care of myself emotionally! – Laura L.
- You don’t owe anyone (and I mean ANYONE) your time or attention, so say no with abandon.If you don’t feel like hanging out, you don’t need any other reason to stay home. If you don’t like that guy you don’t have to be nice to him to soothe his fragile ego. If you don’t like someone, be they friends, family, or colleague, you shouldn’t let yourself feel pressured to bend to their will. You’re the only one you have to listen to. – Mandy S.
- In 2017 I will say Sayonara to comparing my life to anyone else’s. It’s so easy to view other people, especially women, and wish that I had my shit together as much as they seem to. So, in 2017, I will gush over someone’s spotless living room without being embarrassed about of my own. I will be thrilled for someone’s promotion without feeling self doubt. I will learn to be genuinely happy for other people’s successes without being ashamed of my own perceived failures. – Chivon M.
- I will stop putting other women down no matter what differences we have. Unfortunately, when you have a confrontation with another woman, or are just slightly envious, it’s easy to put them down and wish them ill will at their job, education or any other life event. I boost up all my friends and other women I don’t have issues with but I’ve had a problem with feeling jealous or angry and putting bad energy out there. No more! Our world is full of enough anger as it is. I’m going to work on myself and work on praising and supporting all women no matter what 🙌🏻 – Morgan T.
- One of the things I’ve stopped doing that’s been very beneficial for me is to quit wallowing. By that I mean choosing, in those moments when my negative feelings overtake me and it’s so easy to dwell and ruminate on the past and how awful I feel, to consciously let go of the storyline and just sit with the feelings. When you don’t feed the story and you don’t get sucked into a never-ending doom spiral, healing from trauma and heartbreak is so much faster and healthier. You feel everything, as you should, but you don’t create superfluous and unnecessary pain and drama for yourself. It’s very freeing. – Nicole D.
- F*ck it to all of the self loathing. I’m going to love myself for exactly where I am in 2017. And I mean EVERYthing about myself. – Karen K.
- Fuck it to being the one who puts the most effort into any relationship, friendly or romantic. Found out this year that I had some horrible fake friends and a selfish asshole boyfriend. Going to be more on the lookout for red flags and less forgiving when they appear. – MJ S.
We think Mia P said it best when she said “Do what’s best for YOU!!”
So what’s on your Fuck It List for 2017? Did ours inspire you to kick any bad beliefs or behaviors to the curb? Sound off below.